So, I've been beating myself up over an incident that happened last Monday. I was at one of my favorite hangouts, having a light-hearted conversation with the owners, when a lady I've never met interjected her .02. She did not appear to be intoxicated or otherwise impaired, and the conversation was innocent enough, revolving around comics we'd all seen on tour. Then, this lady, who I'll reiterate that I didn't know from Adam, used an offensive word. The word in question was just about the worst thing you could call a gay person, and this women used it casually, yet with a little venom and added bonus of a hand gesture. *eye roll*
I politely excused myself from the conversation, but the whole thing stuck in my craw.
I wish I could go back and relive that moment, so I could ask that lady (I'm using that term very loosely) what made her think that I, a complete stranger, would appreciate her saying that word in my presence. Yes, I realize that it's just a word, but the fact that someone, anyone, would say such a thing in mixed company and not seem to realize the potential effect it could have makes me really sad. It was almost as if she said it in a humorous fashion, expecting some type of a fraternity-style high five for her being so "clever". I would have happily excused her behavior if she had been obviously mentally challenged, but that was not the case. So, I let something go that I shouldn't have...and that was something I'd never have let happen 10 or even 15 years ago. I have become more mellow and discerning in my adulthood, and that's usually a good thing, but in this case, I am ashamed of myself.
So I know I'm sitting here playing Monday morning quarterback, but I can't pass up an opportunity to say this in hindsight-
Don't assume that just because I'm straight that means I'm narrow-minded.
Don't assume that because I'm white that I share your racist views.
Don't assume that because I love my Appalachian roots that I'm not educated or worldly.
And don't assume that because I'm friendly and smiling that I will take everything you say at face value.
Just don't assume.
20 months
12 years ago
2 comments:
I have found that you cannot change biggoted people by arguing with them. They expect you to see their point of view. And, as a result of their narrow-mindedness, they are not even remotely capable of seeing yours. It may not feel like you did the right thing, but, doing the thing you wished you would have probably wouldn't have made any difference.
Sad, but true.
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